[Laemkral]

- Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes?

* So you don't have to retrain the drummers!

...


:o
*Ducks and runs like hell*

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DRUMMER JOKES!

What's the difference between a percussionist and a drummer? Percussionists play timpani, snare, chimes, vibes, etc. Drummers hit things.

How do drummers shuffle? Throw all the cards up in the air and then pick them back up.

What do you call a drummer with two brain cells? Pregnant!

[Orelinde]

The only instrument I master is my voice and I'm pretty good at that. Freakin' good actually.

[fullfrontalnerdity]

I played piano from age 5-12. I've been singing for 8 years now, and I'm getting pretty damn good. I do a whole lot of stuff: broadway, jazz, blues, opera and the occasional pop song.

I also played violin for 3 years back in elementary school, but hated it. Unfortunately I gave up as soon as we had paid enough rent on my violin to own it. There's currently a very small, very out of tune violin sitting in our attic.

[infinity8246]

I started playing piano when I was 5, and quit lesson a couple years ago to do stuff on my own (like songwriting and such.) I'm 18 now, so I've played that for about 13 years.

In middle school band, I played both clarinet and saxophone and sat within the top 5% of all of the musicians for every concert.

In high school I took up the drums, and according to my instructor, after playing for about a year, I'm at the point that he would normally see people reach on 4 or 5.

Guitar, learned that recently too. Mostly self-taught, but I'm still better than people that have played for a long time.

I also sing pretty competently.

So...not to brag, but I just seem to have musical talent. It's my niche in life I suppose.

[Katiz]

What do you do with a trumpet player that can't play?

Give 'em two sticks and send him to the back!

What if he still can't play?

Take away one stick and send him to the front!

[b00]

Yo! Back off the trumpets!

[4MyMistress]

I pick on myself a great deal but, truth be told, I sing a decent bass-baritone. I little off key but if anyone accompanying can atone for it, I do not sound half-bad.



4MM

[Jeriwithani]

I've picked at an out-of-tune piano since like age 8. Taught myself sheet music. School forced the recorder on me like a year later. Age 11 I started playing the trumpet, got pretty good. Age 15 the band needed a French Horn player, got to about an 8th grade level by my junior year of high school (2 and a half years after starting).

Started picking up trombone in my senior year. Baritone and tuba when needed for various performances. Pretty much can play any brass instrument.

Thought about playing saxophone my freshman year of college, so I taught myself that too. I suck at it, but I can improv pretty well. The notes just don't come out well.

Also I took advanced music theory in high school, so I play around with that. I like to arrange music, lets me explore ways to change things to suit what I think it should sound like. Started doing that for my high school. It's a lot of fun. Hopefully I'll have an entire show developed by fall.

[MachDelta]

What do you do with a trumpet player that can't play?

Give 'em two sticks and send him to the back!

What if he still can't play?

Take away one stick and send him to the front!

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Ha, that reminded me of one of my favorites:


Q: Whats the difference between an orchestra and a bull?

A: On a bull, the horns are in front and the asshole is at the back...






BTW, any oboe or bassoon players here? Those instruments (double reed) are the only things i've ever attempted to play and utterly couldn't.

[Jaeda]

I do!!

I'm a music major, so yay me.
I play the flute (that's my main instrument) and I sing (soprano, alto, and/or (higher) tenor, whichever!) and I attempt to play piano, with varied success.

So yes, that is me.

And here are my music jokes:
Q. What is a trumpet player's form of birth control?
A.their personalities!
... can also be applied to newfies, laywers, politicians, etc etc etc.

Q. How do flute players greet each other?
A1. Hi! I'm better than you!
A2. Hi! Oh wow, I played that piece in junior high. Are you -just- starting that now?

Q. What is the difference between a soprano and a pit bull?
A. The jewelry

Q. What is the difference between a soprano and a pirhanna?
A. The lipstick

and done.

[Cactus]

I only wish I had some musical talent. I can appreciate a good tune, but when it comes to creating music, I can't tell one note from the next. In fact, in a school musical competition, I was told to mime!

Huh.



But it's nice to know that there are still plenty of people out there who are able and interested in playing.

[b00]

Hey, Jaeda, kudos to you. Seriously for being a music major. I've heard horror stories from a couple friends about their theory classes. So, best of luck with that. But damned woodwinds...In my Wind Ensemble, they're always laughing with the conductor and the clarinets always have some sort of internal feud happening which keeps them from playing together...Now the brass don't care enough to have feuds, so we always play well.

[Katiz]

Yeah, there always seems to be more comraderie among brass than woodwinds. The woodwinds tend to complain about each other more too.

My biased opinion.

[Laemkral]

It's so true. Woodwinds fight internally. Clarinets are quiet but will stab you in the back to move to first chair. Oboes are just indignant and superior. Flutes are catty prima donnas and piccollos are the worst. Bassoons usually only come on their own or pairs and so not a lot of fighting. Saxes of all types are too busy being silly/stupid to fight.

So sayeth the stereotypes, though they tend to be kinda true.

[b00]

Wow, actually, that's pretty true of my band. Except the saxes in my band are the "perfect" ones. Seriously, they always seem to play the best and they never get lost. But...but! Last year, Trumpets won "Best Section of the Year in Wind Ensemble". Yep, that was an accomplishment.

[Jaeda]

Hey, Jaeda, kudos to you. Seriously for being a music major. I've heard horror stories from a couple friends about their theory classes. So, best of luck with that. But damned woodwinds...In my Wind Ensemble, they're always laughing with the conductor and the clarinets always have some sort of internal feud happening which keeps them from playing together...Now the brass don't care enough to have feuds, so we always play well. 

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Yeah, my harmony class makes me want to stab my eyes out. Or better yet, my "prof"s eyes out. She's retarded and can't teach theory at all.

Our band is pretty good. Our director just makes fun of anyone if they're being stupid, and his sharp sarcastic retorts keep us all in line.

I'm doing a double major, actually, with sociology. Music is just an expensive hobby for me. I'm nowhere near good enough to go anywhere professionally with it. Although I'd love to play in Carnegie Hall (hahaha, yeah right!).

And brass players are awesome. Flutes and clarinets are like bitchy girls, always fighting with each other. But the brass are the fun guys that you always want to hang out with.

[Jaeda]

It's so true. Woodwinds fight internally. Clarinets are quiet but will stab you in the back to move to first chair. Oboes are just indignant and superior. Flutes are catty prima donnas and piccollos are the worst. Bassoons usually only come on their own or pairs and so not a lot of fighting. Saxes of all types are too busy being silly/stupid to fight.

So sayeth the stereotypes, though they tend to be kinda true.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I play piccolo too... but I try not to let it get to my head

[ForgottenCode]

I played piano as a kid. And then Trombone. I used to be great at reading music but I've forgotten all of it.

Now I occasionally play electric guitar, but that's it.

Now, in terms of a Mod, this thread will stay here for a little bit, and then I'll move it to the Music Forum, once people have gotten a chance to look at it. That work?

[Puncture]

Works for me...

Speaking of the brass section. I played trombone for 7 years (2 of that bass trombone) and our section minus first chair was the biggest group of screwups in the joint.. but boy did we have fun

[b00]

Yeah, my harmony class makes me want to stab my eyes out. Or better yet, my "prof"s eyes out. She's retarded and can't teach theory at all.

Our band is pretty good. Our director just makes fun of anyone if they're being stupid, and his sharp sarcastic retorts keep us all in line.

I'm doing a double major, actually, with sociology. Music is just an expensive hobby for me. I'm nowhere near good enough to go anywhere professionally with it. Although I'd love to play in Carnegie Hall (hahaha, yeah right!).

And brass players are awesome. Flutes and clarinets are like bitchy girls, always fighting with each other. But the brass are the fun guys that you always want to hang out with.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yeah, I've heard that theory kills graduate students.
My high school band played at Carnegie Hall about four years ago! Unfortunately, I wasn't in Wind Ensemble that year so I missed out. But I hear it's fantastic...
And, the brass players? The rumors are all true, we know how to have the most fun.