[sohmer]

Theoretically, I understand that the Olympics are a huge deal, viewed across the entire planet. Yet, on a personal level, I can’t seem to force myself to care, no matter how hard I try (not hard at all).

Like everything else that passes in front of my face, this got me thinking for a short period of time (before the next newer, shinier thing that passes before me) about what would have to happen in order to get the Olympics to interest me. What would they need to do to achieve my support and viewership?

That’s about when the inspiration hit.

Winter Olympics, Summer Olympics, whatever. What the world (represented in this case scenario by me) wants to see is The Medieval & Gladiatorial Olympics.

Who wants to watch a dude in a snowsuit hop around moguls when you could be seeing two guys in armor, armed with a lance and bearing down on each other riding an 800 pound horse?

Figure skating is all well and good, but I think I’d prefer watching the Russian Contender being cornered by three tigers while armed with a Swiss army knife.

Forget your indoor arenas and pretty little skating rinks. If I’m buying tickets for this thing, I want to be sitting in the Coliseum with the roar of a blood thirsty crowd behind me.

You want me to get into the Olympics? That’s how you’re going to do it.

Or, and here’s a plan B now, you legalize all drugs and supplements and watch the mutants go.

Sometimes it feels like I’m the only one thinking.

- Because I can.

Quote of the Day

““Winning is not everything, but wanting to win is”
-Vince Lombardi

[Attus]

I totally agree with'ya. Taking back the jousting and gladiator-fights to the world of sports would surely draw a lot more viewers to that specific field of entertainment. I know that I, for one, would start looking! ^.^

[ikilledkenny]

I've gotta say, i love the sound of plan "B".

Also, bionic limbs could make things interesting

[LittleNjo]

I agree, its either gladiators or mutants....take your pick...

[Lombax]

I completely agree! We need to take it up a notch and make the best warriors science can create!

The Coliseum worked for years the first time; why do we have to give up this kind of thing in the name of "progress"? Let's REgress a little bit!

[SeirX]

Any `sport` (and I really fail to see how figure skating has ANYTHING useful for the real world.. ooooh, I can spin around on ice!) is easily made better by the random placement and free-firing of snipers.
Give them rubber-pellets, after all, who (other than maybe me) wants to see Phil Mickelson, or Tiger Woods get a full-on copper-jacketed scalping while attempting a putt? Or perhaps Roger Clemens being shot in the knee in mid-throw because he took too long to wind-up and pitch?

How much more fun would the bobsled be for people to watch if there were small explosives (or perhaps, proximity-sensored C02-charged pockets) implanted in the track?
Hey! You downhill skiers.. forget flags.. you'll have booby-trapped pits the open up 15meters in front of you at random, avoid THOSE, hotshot!

At least the original Olympics had `athletes` doing things that were good for the life back then.. running, archery, hurling big honkin rocks at people..err..targets. What the heck does (and this is where I might lose my `canadiana`) hockey or luging do for surviving today?

And this is just the winter olympics. Wait for the summer humdrum to begin.

New winter olympic sport - frozen-corpse stacking. Who can stack them like cordwood the fastest, tightest, and resist taking a bite out of them because you're starving in the Andes ??

[The Powerful Oz!]

As a point in fact, an 800 pound horse is pretty damned small. like a pony, or a dolphin.

Real horses are more in the ballpark or 3/4 of a ton, but a warhorse, you're looking at 1700 pounds.

Sexy.

This post has been edited by The Powerful Oz!: 15 February 2010 - 05:04 PM

[Tjuhl]

Crap, you got me there.. OL ROMAN STYLE!!!
I have a single thought on my mind: How long is the bobsled team gonna last against the lions or people throwing with spears

[Robertjw]

with you on Plan B. These people are mostly mutants (or at least freaks) anyway. Why not let drugs into the mix?

In fact, my position for some time has been that performing enhancing drugs are equalizers. Why should it be that gold medal winners only get that way due to selective breeding or a fluke of nature? Why should my Olympic Dream be dashed just because my mother didn't choose to mate with Bruce Jenner? Drugs let everyone who has nothing better to do than train for 18 hours a day on a useless sport enter the competition - not just those who have superior genetics.

[TheOges]

I disagree, I don't think we have fully explored the possibilities of the current format of the games. There HAS to be a more entertaining way to throw someone down a mountain which we haven't thought of yet, we just have to keep searching.

[DasGirt]

I think that going mid-evil might be a bit extreme, but then again... What if every event was like a biathlon? shooting and skiing, moguls and skiing, snowboard cross and skiing. almost like a mid evil joust or shooting on the fly. Maybe add a defensive component to the events as well. almost like a James Bond film.


random thoughts...

Just sayin.

[Dragonheart91]

There is yet another option. We could revert the olympics to the traditional style. Originally, the olympic games were all performed naked.

Yeah, I think that would boost the viewership a bit. Figureskating and gymnastics would probably get the biggest boost.

[AngolanCanadian]

I realize that in reading these posts, you are not all completely serious, but I'm going to assume the majority of you are adults, and you should know better. I know you think that this is funny and you are trying to come off as "cool", but your immaturity is sad. You are adults; surely you realize death is not entertaining. Especially in light of the recent events, death is no sport. Those athletes risk a lot for very little in compensation (if any) doing what they love. I think you should be more considerate of what you consider entertainment. There is nothing entertaining about blood shed, trust me. Now some of you will come back with boxing and mma, and the huge crowds they draw. Well controlled violence is a little different, those fighters have the at most respect for one another. (Trust me, boxed 7 years as amateur, I never wanted to "kill some" in the ring".

We all witnessed the death of 21 year old Georgian luger, Nodar Kumaritashvili on the track. My heart goes out to the family who so proud had their world change, as they watch their young son die over the TV. Nobody should have to say goodbye like that. Whether or not you choose to support the olympics is irrelevant, which you will not get a better chance as they are being held in your country. But you should defiantly show respect for those atheletes, especially when many live on less compensation than you. Im sure very little of our troops stationed in war torn countries find death entertaining, they are thankful everyday that they go without an altercation.

To Robertjw, as for the comment on drugs, if you think shooting testosterone or one of its many derivatives will give you a chance to compete at that level, I am sorry to inform you, you are mistaken. This notion that anabolic steroids allow you to bypass the training and dedication that goes into training for any sport is by far the most short sighted conclusion. If thats your justification for poor performance in sports, I would suggest you stop feeling sorry for yourself and take time to consider the hard work that goes into a top level athlete. A lot of people consider drugs and genetics when they see someone perform in a role that they cannot fathom. I played 4 years of division one football in the states, and people often gave credit to "genetics" and hinted at possible "doping". They dont take time to consider the 8000 calorie clean diet (thats not an estimate, thats a measured amount), the 5 AM runs, with two a day practices. Hell, I used to wake up twice during the night to get extra meals in. Ive seen plenty of guys in the gym using dianabol, testosterone, deca-durabolin or some other chemical enhancement in an attempt to provide the anabolic edge. Yet they still struggle at 225 benchpress. Then they see someone like me perform 405 bench and assume "drugs, hgh, testosterone superloading, anadrol, halotestin etc.." I would say before you begin to make statements on something, you should educate yourself first. Maybe leave to mindless uninformed propaganda to CNN and other main stream media outlets.

Im not trying to be overly negative, I know it is coming off as that. But seriously consider where you find your humor. I really do love the comic, and think you are very talented. I know a lot of what is said is jokes and attempted humor, but seriously, you need to show some respect.

[Deamon69]

You know what me and my friends do when we get blood thirsty like that ?
LARP-ing Grab your huge, 30 pound wooden sword, shield, spear, war hammer, bow or w/e, head down to the woods and bash your heads open in a fun capture the flag (or die trying) game
rules are simple: 3 hits and you're out, no head blows, don't hit the nuts, re-spawn 5 minutes later and fight some more

PS: No vital injuries or broken bones have ocured in the making of this fine sport.

[FeRD]

AngolanCanadian, on 15 February 2010 - 07:12 PM, said:

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crapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrap
crapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrap
crapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrap
crapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrap.
And then a bit more crap.

You took the time to register for an account here on the forums, specifically so you could post that mind-numbingly clueless attack of weepy, humorless verbal diarrhea... Yet, we're the ones who should be re-evaluating how we kill time amusing ourselves, and what we choose to focus on?

Jesus H. Christ In Skidmarked Fucking Lugepants!

I can't decide if I should be feeling sorrier for you, or for all of the poor people around you who're forced to put up with... that!

Wow. Just... wow.

[Crazymech]

Well Sohmer (and everybody else), all you have to do is get <insert sport here, example Gladiatorial games or Jousting> an internationally widely practiced and recognized sport.

http://en.wikipedia....Modern_jousting

Get to it!

Also, about that post above: Blood shed is entertaining in many cases, bull races in spain being one of them, or the ancient gladiatorial games from Rome that entertained them for many centuries. Not to say it needs blood to be entertaining.

This post has been edited by Crazymech: 15 February 2010 - 07:55 PM

[FireFlyBreeze]

Have I ever told you about my cure for cancer/aids/gingavitus/herpes/common cold/anything-else-you-can-think-of- including-obiesity. Oddly enough it involves fluffer nutter AND distilled esence of cheese.

[cjhaacke]

That version of the Olympics would be awesome.

This post has been edited by cjhaacke: 15 February 2010 - 08:51 PM

[Stibbs]

I'd love to see new, more interesting events in the Olympics; armed martial styles, animal wrestling events (The Steve Irwin event, in memorandum) And definitely something involving elephants and archery. But I think if we went to old school Olympic events the main deal would be greased up man groping, or as we know it now; MMA (particularly Brazilian Jui Jitsu).

"Calling participants for the Greasy Man Pile event, please prepare yourselves in the lard vat before starting."

[Robertjw]

AngolanCanadian, on 15 February 2010 - 06:12 PM, said:

To Robertjw, as for the comment on drugs, if you think shooting testosterone or one of its many derivatives will give you a chance to compete at that level, I am sorry to inform you, you are mistaken. This notion that anabolic steroids allow you to bypass the training and dedication that goes into training for any sport is by far the most short sighted conclusion. If thats your justification for poor performance in sports, I would suggest you stop feeling sorry for yourself and take time to consider the hard work that goes into a top level athlete. A lot of people consider drugs and genetics when they see someone perform in a role that they cannot fathom. I played 4 years of division one football in the states, and people often gave credit to "genetics" and hinted at possible "doping". They dont take time to consider the 8000 calorie clean diet (thats not an estimate, thats a measured amount), the 5 AM runs, with two a day practices. Hell, I used to wake up twice during the night to get extra meals in. Ive seen plenty of guys in the gym using dianabol, testosterone, deca-durabolin or some other chemical enhancement in an attempt to provide the anabolic edge. Yet they still struggle at 225 benchpress. Then they see someone like me perform 405 bench and assume "drugs, hgh, testosterone superloading, anadrol, halotestin etc.." I would say before you begin to make statements on something, you should educate yourself first. Maybe leave to mindless uninformed propaganda to CNN and other main stream media outlets.

Im not trying to be overly negative, I know it is coming off as that. But seriously consider where you find your humor. I really do love the comic, and think you are very talented. I know a lot of what is said is jokes and attempted humor, but seriously, you need to show some respect.

Not my point at all. Training, diet, etc... can be critical, but genetics plays a HUGE part. Didn't you see Rudy? All the training in the world couldn't get that kid on the Notre Dame squad. Likewise, there are definite natural athletes out there. Guys like Bo Jackson or Randy Moss, who by their own admission didn't practice hard or 'give 100%' out on the field and were still some of the most talented players ever. Everyone who goes to the Olympics trains hard and does everything they can to win, at the end of the day it comes down to the things that can't be controlled. Genetics, talent, luck.

You played 4 years of division one football, and had a flawless training routine? Did you make the NFL draft? Did you sign a multi-million dollar contract? If not, why.

Anabolic steroids enhance performance. That's why professional athletes use them, that's why they are banned in the Olympics. If they didn't work there would be no point in banning them. Allowing them would allow some competitors to join the ranks of the elite that currently can't make it there.