[DIV]

As it is American independence day, let's make fun of Canada.



Dear Diary

Aug. 12 - Moved to our new home in Canada. I am so excited. It's so beautiful here. The mountains are so majestic. Can hardly wait to see them with snow covering them.
Oct. 14 - Canada -- it is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves have turned all colors and shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through the beautiful countryside and saw some deer. They are so graceful. Certainly they are the most wonderful animals on earth. This must be paradise. I love it here!
Nov. 11 - Remembrance Day. Deer season starts soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting to kill such a gorgeous creature. Hope it snows soon. I love it here!
Dec. 2 - It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed with white. It looks like a postcard. We went outside and cleaned the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight (I won). When the snow plough came by we had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place. I love Canada!
Dec. 12 - More snow last night. The snow plough did his trick again to the driveway. I love it here.
Dec. 19 - More snow last night. Couldn't get out of the driveway to get to work. It's beautiful here but I'm exhausted from shoveling. F#cking snow plough.
Dec. 22 - More of that white shit fell last night. I've got blisters on my hands and a sore back from shoveling. I think the snow plough hides around the corner until I'm done shoveling the driveway. Asshole.
Dec. 25 - Merry F#cking Christmas! More frigging snow. If I ever get my hands on the sonovabitch who drives the snow plough, I swear I'll kill the bastard. Don't know why they don't use more salt on the roads to melt the f#cking ice.
Dec. 27 - More white shit last night. Been inside for three days now except for shoveling out the driveway after that snow plough goes through every time. Can't go anywhere, the car's stuck in a mountain of white crap and it is so frigging cold. The weatherman says to expect another 10 inches of the crap again tonight. Do you know how many shovels full of snow 10 inches is?
Dec. 28 - That f#cking weatherman was wrong. We got 34 inches of the crap this time. At this rate it won't melt before summer. The snow plough got stuck up in the road and that bastard came to my door and asked to borrow my shovel. After I told him that I had already
broken six shovels shoveling out all the crap he had pushed into my driveway, I damn near broke my last one over his f#cking head.
Jan. 4 - Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on my way back a damned deer ran in front of the car. Did about $3,000 damage to the car. Those beasts should be killed. The bastards are everywhere. Wish the hunters had
exterminated them all last November.
May 3 - Took the car to the garage in town. Would you believe the thing is rusted out from all that salt they put all over the roads.
May 10 - Moved to Florida. I can't imagine why anyone in their right mind would ever want to live in such a God forsaken place as Canada!

[Claire Tigre]

hah!! i loved that.

[Orelinde]

This is a ritual we go through every year. 2 years ago, a small snow plough (small for sidewalks) got stuck on the sidewalk, halfway across the driveway. Well the f*cker left. He just left, leaving all the snow he'd picked up in the shovel and left my m-i-l's car stuck there till 3 of us had to go out and shovel... F*cking Canadian winters.

They ARE fun... for a while ...at the beginning...

[Alchymist]

Haha

When I was in Canada for three months in 06 I experiance the beginning of winter, then the middle of it...

I'm glad I got out and back to perpetually wet and gloomy Britain

[Ballie]

Hehehe very similar to one I received a while back.

Diary of a Pom in Karratha (mining town in the Australian desert)
August 31st
Just got transferred with work into our new home in Karratha, Western Australia, now this is a town that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings.
What a place! I watched the sunset from a deck chair on the veranda. It was beautiful. I've finally found my my home. I love it here.

September 13th
Really heating up. Got to 35 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun worshipper.

September 30th
Had the backyard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of palms and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

October 10th
This temperature hasn't been below 35 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat.
At least today it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.

October 15th
Fell asleep by the pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

October 20th
I missed Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car for lunch, Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $3,000 leather upholstery. I told the kids that she ran way. The car now smells like Wiskettes and cat shit. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.

October 25th
The wind sucks. It feels like a giant f*cking blow dryer!! And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the blink and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needed to order parts.

October 30th
Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. Bloody $600,000 house and we can't even go inside.
Why did I ever come here?

November 4th
Its 38 degrees. Finally got the ol' air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $1,500 and gets the temp down to 25, but the bloody humidity makes the house feel like its about 30. Stupid repairman.

I hate this stupid f*ckin place.

November 8th
If another wise arse cracks, "Hot enough for you today?" I'm going to f*ckin throttle him. F*ckin heat!
By the time I get to work, the car's radiator was boiling over, my clothes are soaking f*ckin wet, and I smell like baked cat!!

November 9th
Tried to run some messages after work. Wore shorts, and sat on the black leather seats in the ol' car.
I though my f*ckin arse was on fire. I lost two layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and my arse. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried ass and baked cat.

November 10th
The weather report might as well be a f*ckin recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and f*cking sunny.
It's been too hot to do anything for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn't it ever rain in this damn f*cking place? Water rationing will be next, so my $5,000 worth of palms just might dry up and bow into the f*cking pool. Even the palms can't live in this heat.

November 14th
Welcome to HELL!!!! Temperature got to 41 today. Now the air-conditioner's gone in my car.
The repairman came to fix it and said "Hot enough for you today?"
My wife had to spend the $2,500 mortgage payment to bail my ass out of jail for assaulting the stupid f*cker. F*ck Karratha! What kind of sick demented f*cking idiot would want to live here?

December 1st
WHAT????? This is the first day of Summer??? You are f*cking kidding!!!

[Alchymist]

Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!! Oh thats even better

[mcleod]

I spent 4 months working in a mining town in Australia. You get used to the heat, but the weird thing is that there are no women. The aptly named Singleton had a ratio of 5 guys to every sheila. One town even invited ugly girls to come and live : http://www.bloomberg...refer=australia

40 degrees isn't too bad, life is just slower.

[Maelgwyn]

I even live in that kind of heat - its only OK... lie, its never OK.

Damn hate the extremes of temperature