[Solar]

A husband and his blonde wife were driving along the country side one Sunday just putt puttin along.... as they were driving, the blonde saw another blonde out in an open field rowing a boat.
Out of sheer and utter shock she screamed to her husband "Stop.. stop this car right now!".
The blonde jumped out of the car and ran over to the fence.
She screamed at the top of her lungs " It's dumb ass blondes like you that give us such a bad name.... if I could swim I would come out there and whip your ass!"

[FutbolDude21586]

First of all, it is "consolidate".

Secondly: that was awesome!

C- There were 3 women stealing from a farm, a brunette, a red and a blonde. The farmers dogs pick up someone in the fields so they start going crazy. The 3 women run to the barn and hide in burlap sacks. After awhile, the dogs lead the farmer to the barn, where he notices 3 burlap sacks. "Well, I wonder what's in these..." he comments to himself. He goes to the first one and kicks it. The brunette responds by making dog noises. The farmer believes this sack has dogs in it and moves on to kick the next one. The red makes cat noises when she's kicked. Moving on, the farmer kicks the thrid sack. The blonde, knowing that both dogs and cats have been done, responds "potatoes, potatoes."

[I_SitAtTheKidsTable]

Two blonde roomates go to the petshop and come home with pet mice.
Upon debating how to tell them appart one blonde suggests they cut off the tail of one of the mice. It seems like a great idea so they go ahead.
That night the mice are talking and one says to the other "wow, thats cool you don't have a tail." "I know!" "I wish I didnt have a tail." "Well you can, just chew yours off." So the mouse does.
The next day the blondes check on the mice and find neither of them have tails. So they decide to cut off the left front paw of one of the mice.
That night a similar conversation takes place between the mice adn in the morning the blondes find both of their mice three-legged with no tails.
This continues until one morning neither of the mice have any legs or tails.
"This is getting ridiculous!" one of the blondes finially exclaims,
"I'll tell you what, you take the black one and I'll take the white one."

[DIV]

First of all, it is "consolidate".

That's what he put?

[mcleod]

Someone fixed it.

[TiranoPetrie]

A blonde, a brunette and a red head all entered a swimming competition to swim across the English channel.
The starter lined them up and said 'Remember girls, breastroke is the only stroke allowed! See you at the finish line' before firing his gun, and the three dived into the water.

At the finish line, the crowd cheered as the red head came in to take first place, with the brunette not far behind. The blonde, however, was no-where to be seen. Slowly people drifted off and went home, leaving just the officials to drag the half drowned and gasping woman from the water some time later.

As they wrapped her in blankets and gave her some soup she said 'I dont mean to cause a fuss or anything, but I'm pretty sure those other girls used their arms'

This post has been edited by TiranoPetrie: 31 October 2006 - 08:55 AM

[surrealish]

a blonde was walking along some train tracks when she spots a redhead jumping on and off the tracks... the redhead is chanting, "21...21...21...". the blonde decides this looks like fun, so she decides to join. each girl is jumping on and off the train tracks repeating, "21...21...21...". just then a train is approaching them, just before it reaches the girls, the red head jumps off... leaving the blonde to be smashed to pieces. once the train passes, the red head continues jumping on and off the train tracks again, now saying "22...22...22..."

[DIV]

Two young blonde women were playing golf at a foggy par three, and could see the flag, but not the green. Each hit their ball anyway. When they walked to the green, they discovered one ball about three feet from the cup, while the other ball somehow had gone directly in.

The blondes tried to figure out which ball belonged to who, since they were both using Titleist number threes. Unable to decide, they returned to the Club House and asked the golf pro for a ruling.

After hearing their story and congratulating them both on their superb shots under such adverse conditions the pro asked, "Okay, so who was playing the yellow ball?"

[Jehovah]

How do you know a blonde is having a bad day?
She's got a tampon behind her ear and she can't find her pencil.

[beachbum]

Alright...I just found this thread...here are some quickies off the top of my head....

How does a blonde turn on the lights when she is done having sex????
---She opens the car door.

Why do Blonds like those big hoop earrings????
---It gives them a place to put their ankles during sex.

How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb????
---Blondes don't screw in light bulbs, They screw in cars.

Why did the Blonde spend all day staring at the frozen orange juice container????
---It said concentrate.

What does a blonde say when she is done having sex????
---Are all you guys all on the same team????

What do you call a smart blonde????
---A cocker spaniel.

What's the best way to keep from losing your blonde while out????
---Wear a shiny object, She won't go far.

What do you call a bleach blonde???
Artificial Stupidity.

The last one is a joke among my friends, We know a girl (who is a bleach blonde), And it matches her personality perfectly, AND she knows it!!!!!

This post has been edited by beachbum: 18 November 2006 - 09:22 AM

[beachbum]

OK...Heres some for ya....
________________________________________________________________________________
______
A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun.

The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head.

The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
________________________________________________________________________________
______
On day a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde were on their way to heaven.

God told them the stairs to heaven were 1,000 steps and on every step he was going to tell them a joke. If they laughed they would not be able to get to heaven.

So the redhead made it to the 45th step and laughed.

The brunette made it to the 200th step and laughed.

But the blonde made it to the 999th step and laughed even before god told his joke.

God asked "Why did you laugh I haven't even told the joke yet"

The blonde said "I know I just now got the first one!!!"
________________________________________________________________________________
______
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

Quietly the guy on the stool next to him, leans over and says "You should know that the bartender is blonde and so is the bouncer. Plus I myself am blonde and there are two blonde football players sitting on your right. Now go ahead and tell your joke."

"Oh no..." replied the blind guy. "I'm not telling it and have to explain it 5 times"
________________________________________________________________________________
______
A Blonde and a Brunette were in an elevator with a man. They both noticed he had some dandruff on his shirt, but were too nice to say anything to him about it.

Once he finally got out two floors later, the Brunette said, "Wow, somebody should give that man some Head n Shoulders" and the Blonde replied, "How do you give shoulders?"
________________________________________________________________________________
______
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were sitting around trying to compare their boyfriends to brands of pop.

The redhead said "My boyfriend is like 7-up. He is seven inches long and he is always up."

The brunette said "My boyfriend is like Mountain Dew. He loves to do it in the Mountains all the time."

The blonde said "My boyfriend is like Jack Daniels."

The brunette cut in "You cant use Jack Daniels. Thats a hard liquor."

A smile crossed the blondes face. "I know"
________________________________________________________________________________
______

Well, Are you there, Hello, Anyone there??

[cheeky]

What do you call a blonde with two brian cells?
Pregnant.

[JennyAnn]

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead walk into a bar. The bartender is trying to flirt with them, so he tells them that they have a magic mirror in the back of the bar. When they don't believe him, he continues, "Yeah. If you look into your eyes and tell the truth, your deepest wish will come true. If you look into your eyes and tell a lie, you're sucked into the mirror and never seen again."

The brunette walks up to the mirror and says, "I think I'm the smartest person on the planet." She turns around and finds tons of money sitting around the bar with her name on it.

The redhead walks up and says, "I think I'm the most beautiful person on the planet." She turns around and every man in the bar begs to leave with her.

The blonde walks up and says, "I think--"

And she's sucked into the mirror and never seen again.

[daflita]

A Blond is walking in the parking-lot, lokking for her car.
She sees another bolnde blowing the muffer of a crashed car, she says:

- What the hell are you doing?

The other blond answer: - Someone crashed into my car, i'm blowing it back.

- You are really stuppid!

- Why!?

- The windows are open. Idiot.


Well, not that funny, but...

[Solar]

Two blonds were riding up an elevator. Long before reaching their floor, the elevator stopped and this really great looking guy got on.
He smiled at the blonds, and reached over and hit the button for the next floor. Then he stood and admired the scenery while the elevator went up. When the door opened behind him, he smiled at the blondes, turned and went out the door. When he turned to leave, the blonds saw a large number of dandruff flakes down his back.
The first blond turned to the second blond and said, " Eewweue!"
The second blond said," Thats o.k. If I can get him home, I'll give him Head & Shoulders."
The first blond asked, "How do you give Shoulders?"

[cheeky]

Q:What do you call and intelligent blonde?

A:Golden Retriever

[beachbum]

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load." The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.

At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, and knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"

When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says..."Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in IDAHO and I'm driving the salt truck!"

________________________________________________________________________________
___

One day a man was working in a bar and five blondes came in and ordered ten bottles of champagne. They sat down at a table then three more blondes came in.
The eight blondes started up a chant, cheering loudly, "54 days, 54 days, 54 days!"

Soon, two more blondes came in carrying a framed child's Mickey Mouse jigsaw puzzle. Now the blondes started chanting even louder as they poured the champagne and had a huge celebration.

Finally, dying of curiosity, the bartender walked over and asked what exactly they were celebrating for. "We have just proven that all blondes aren't dumb. The side of this jigsaws box says 2 to 4 years but we completed it in just 54 days!"

This post has been edited by beachbum: 17 December 2006 - 08:41 PM

[Evac156]

A blonde is out shopping one day, and she sees something in the sporting goods section she's never seen before. So she calls over a clerk and asks him what it is.

Blonde: What are these things? They look like metal bottles of some sort.
Clerk: That's right, they're called Thermos bottles.
Blonde: I like them. They're shiny. What do they do?
Clerk: You put drinks in them. They keep hot drinks hot, and cold drinks cold. It's good when you're traveling.

The blonde decides she can use that, so she buys one and takes it home. The next day, she comes back to the store, carrying her Thermos, and finds the clerk again.

Blonde: I bought this here yesterday, but I want to return it.
Clerk: Why? What seems to be the problem?
Blonde: It's broken.
Clerk (examining Thermos): It looks okay to me. Why do you think it's broken?
Blonde: You told me it would keep hot drinks hot, and cold drinks cold. But it's not doing either.
Clerk: Really? What did you put in it?
Blonde: Two cups of coffee and a milk shake.

[acdc222]

nice.........

[Evac156]

Two prostitutes, a blonde and a brunette, are talking after a hard night's work. The brunette says, "Do you smoke after sex?" The blonde glances down at her crotch and says, "Honey, you need to use more lube."

======

Three blondes are sitting by a brook with fishing rods, lines in the water. A game warden comes up and tells them that he needs to see their fishing licenses. One of the blondes says, "Oh, we're not fishing, sir. We're recycling. We have magnets on our fishing lines, not hooks." So the game warden asks to see, and sure enough, all three blondes have big magnets on the end of their lines. Since they're not fishing, he tells them to have a nice day, and goes on down the trail.

The three blondes restrain themselves until he's out of sight, and then they all burst out laughing. After a minute the calm down and one of them says, "Wow what an idiot! He's a game warden, and he doesn't know the there's steelhead in this river?"

======

Two blondes decide to go ice fishing. So they put on their boots and heavy coats, load up a sled, and head out into the middle of the ice. They start to cut a hole in the ice, when a voice from above booms out, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!!" They look around, startled, then pack up their stuff and go.

The next weekend they decide to try it again. So they put on their warm clothes, load up their gear, and drag their sled out into the middle of the ice. As soon as they break out the auger and start to cut a hole in the ice, the same voice from above booms out, "THERE ARE STILL NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!!!"

Finally, a couple weeks later, they decide to give it one more try. They know there will be fish this time. They load up the sled, dress up warmly, make a thermos of coffee, and head out to the middle of the ice. Before they even start to cut a hole this time, the voice comes again. "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE! AND THERE NEVER WILL BE!!!" One of the blondes gathers her courage and calls out, "How do you know? Are you God?" And the voice answers, "NO, BUT I DO OWN THIS SKATING RINK!!!"